Walking on Eggshells in a Relationship: Get Clarity When You’re Still in the Confusion

It's Not All In Your Head. This Is Real. I relate because, I've been through it too.

You keep replaying things over and over and you can't sleep.

You're scrolling, searching, trying to make sense out of what's happening and find someone who gets it. Because the person you love—the one who can be so incredible—just hurt you to your core. Again. And you're wondering: Is this emotional abuse? Manipulation? Or am I really just too sensitive, too dramatic, too much?

You've heard about gaslighting and toxic relationships. But these words get thrown around without like a trend and it's not always obvious. In fact, it's often just f*cking confusing. And a lot of things you read online seem to be for people who are ready to walk away, who already know exactly what they're dealing with or who've already left.

Maybe you're not there. Maybe you still want to get clear about repeat relationship patterns. Maybe you just want to start with a better understanding of it all.

And everything you find either tells you to leave immediately (like it's that simple) or talks about "healing" like the hard part is over.

This isn't that.

This is me—someone who went through this for years and got clarity, while staying—talking with you about what's actually happening.

Not what you should or should do about it. Just...what it is.

The mechanics of it. The patterns. Why trusting yourself feels so difficult and why it feels like you live in two completely different realities from your partner.

What This Is

"Walking on Eggshells?" is me talking to you the way I wish someone had talked to me.

Not a recovery program. Not a step-by-step plan. Not therapy.

Just...clarity. Recognition. The thing that makes you stop second-guessing yourself and go: Oh. That's what this is.

Seven sections:

1. I Feel Like I'm Going Crazy—Is It Me?! (Why you're second-guessing everything, and why that makes sense)
2. Why Do I Always End Up Here? (How your past experiences unconsciously led you to accept this kind of treatment)
3. Nothing I Do Is Ever Enough (What's actually happening right now—the push-pull, the moving targets, the traps that make you ashamed of your own reactions)
4. I'm Exhausted, Why Can't I Just Leave? (Why it's so hard to walk away, why the good moments keep you coming back)
5. I Don't Want to Do This Anymore (What it feels like when something shifts inside you)
6. I'm Done Explaining Myself (What reclaiming yourself looks like while you're still there)
7. I Know What I Know (Standing in your reality, whether you stay or go)

Who This Is For

This is for you if:

• You're searching for answers because something feels deeply wrong but it's difficult to get your head around what's actually happening
• You're exhausted from trying to explain yourself and never being heard
• You know this isn't right but when you try to talk about it, you end up feeling blamed, dismissed, or even more hurt
• You react in ways you don't recognize and then those reactions get used against you
• You can't figure out why you can't just leave even though you know something has to change
• You walk on eggshells constantly but the rules keep shifting no matter what you do

This may NOT be for you if:

• You're in physical danger and this type of content could put your safety at further risk (get help here)
• You're looking for me to diagnose or label you or your partner (that's unethical)
• You want someone to tell you what to do (leave, stay, fix it)
• You're already out of the situation and want different support - many still say it's helpful though
• You want therapy or clinical advice - I encourage you to connect with a therapist directly

Why I Wrote This For You (and Me)

I was unknowingly living through what I now understand was an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship for years - yes, as a therapist and sadly, it wasn't my first.

What I went through now shapes how I help others. I see how often people describe experiences just like mine—and that recognition helped me realize how common emotional abuse is and how often this less obvious type of harm and trauma cause people to suffer in silence and isolation.

After years of my own confusion and stuck patterns, I finally began learning about what was happening in my relationship. I spent another three years educating myself, recognizing the patterns and understanding the dynamics all while I was still in the relationship .

Not because I was weak or didn't know better. Because determining whether or not to leave was extremely complicated, and clarity about the what was happening didn't give me immediately clarity about what to do.

I wrote this because I know how alone I felt. How the shame kept me from even trying to find someone who could understand and offer insight—especially someone still living through it like me.  Just because I didn't leave didn't make my suffering or my need for clarity any less important.

So, I started writing this while I was still in it. And, I did what I could to get clarity, find my footing, and stop feeding into the vicious cycles however I could—I took all the time I needed without pressuring myself to make a decision either way. 

For a lot of reasons, there are many people who aren't ready, couldn't, or don't want to leave their relationships. 

If this is you, know that you are not alone.

During the hardest moments, the shame spirals and self-criticism, I really needed someone to just...see it with me and be with me in it. Without judgment. Without a prescription.

Now, my hope and intention is that in some way, I can be that someone for you and anyone else who needs to be seen, understood cared for whether you're still in your relationship or not.

That's what this is.